Draft 2 What I need to work on next: Carefully choose words and phrases to add information and/or interest for my reader and check word ending.
The Petrol Problem
On billy’s 15th birthday last year Me, My aunty and uncle we were in kaikohe ready to head back home. Uncle said should we get petrol before we head home and aunty answer no I think we will make it. We ran out of petrol by the Tautoro Fall, as we where speed the motor just switched off on our vehicle everything just went quite. My aunty was going side to side to try get us off the road.
A few minutes later we walked to aunty Ra’s house.My aunty regretted it because she should of Listen to my uncle. When my aunty got there my aunty asked her if she could go to town to get some gas. She felt so slilly. After that then we went back to town to get gas. Then we got to town and we had no petrol cortana. She felt so down.
But She Found one. Then we got the gas and we went back to the car and opened the gas lid and tipped the gas in and went to aunty Ra's house.
We drove so slow home because it was mucky everywhere on Orakau road. After that day,I didn’t feel like going with my whanau in the car. Nah jokes I was just kidding. But I didn’t go with them for a few days.
Hi AJ, nice little joke at the end. It made me laugh. I look forward to working with you to see that goal of using more sophisticated and interesting language in your writing. Well done on the improvements you have made already in your writing. You are now structuring your writing correctly independently.
ReplyDeleteHi AJ nice woreds. I hope you get throw your writing gole
ReplyDeleteHi AJ nice woreds. I hope you get throw your writing gole
ReplyDeleteHi AJ I really like your story and it's interesting and the part I found interesting was after that day you were driving slow on Orakau Road and such a good story.
ReplyDeleteHi AJ, it's so good to read your work and see the improvements you are making. I love that word regretted and look forward to more sophisticated language like that in your next piece you post. Ka pai!
ReplyDelete